Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize