i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
