I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
