I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
