Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
