my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
