So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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