I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
