Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
