yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
