I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
