Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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