next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
