I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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