I can tuck mytits in my pants
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
