Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
