Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
