Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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