please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
