Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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