I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
