If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
