a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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