note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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