oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
