i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
