She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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