I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
