ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
