I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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