i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
