The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
