my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
