We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize