just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
