someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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