My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize