Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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