do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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