The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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