do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
