That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
