why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize