I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
