I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
