You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
