Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
