I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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