He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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