Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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