Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
