Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize