Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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