??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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