I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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