okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
