I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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