My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you didnt know i had herpes?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
