mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
