What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
