i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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