If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
