i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
