I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
