booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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