I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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