Quick, to the slutcave!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
