Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
