The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
where are my eyebrows?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
