loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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