I can text with my tongue
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
