I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
