my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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