rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
