2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
