she woke up with a sticky ear
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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