Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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