Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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