I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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