I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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