Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
