that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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