If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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