I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
