I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
