I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think your dad took our porno
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
