guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize