Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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