I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
