it's too hot outside to masturbate.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just cut my nipple shaving
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
