let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
