and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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