I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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