Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
