So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
