Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize