He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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