I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
