that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize