it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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