We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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