Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
