woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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