I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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